Apologies

"In life it is not finding happiness that is hard, it is letting go of unhappiness that is hard to do." -- My 6th grade teacher, Mr. Smith 

I have to send out an apology for an earlier post about the Bridge Team and Asians. I don't know what got into me the day I was writing that; I guess I was feeling critical and contentious but I shouldn't have. As far as Asians go, the truth is, they are my friends. I am only being critical of myself when I criticize them. My first real job was with Asians, my first girlfriend in high school was an Asian and I have met many great Asian people. 

When I was living here with my brother Derek he would always intentionally leave a pot of putrefying rice in the rice cooker. I would smell it and have to clean it out all the time. I guess the perspective he was trying to give me with the putrefying rice wore on me some. Like him, I have seen some of the rotten rice around in parts of Los Angeles and other places. But unlike my brother, I think those were isolated instances and that that was definitely not the norm. 

Most Asians are good and they are a very numerous body of people on earth right now. Americans are somewhat degenerate and I would probably have few friends if it wasn't for Asians. Yeah, like me, they could be a little leaner and meaner, but overall, I think many Asians have their priorities right and are the salt of the earth. 

As I said, my first girlfriend was an Asian. Her family was in the Asian mafia and she would always have me drop her off at her friend's house so her Dad wouldn't see that she was dating a white guy and put a hit on me. (ha, ha, ha) She really wasn't all that bad for being in the mafia. I think that says something about Asians. Who knows, in the future maybe all Asians will join the mafia. Then we will have a force to be reckoned with. (ha, ha, ha)

I was also critical of the Bridge Team. Get this, God just  told me not to be critical of them, so I guess they are alright for now, really. I don't like having to meet with a psychiatrist every month but that hasn't hurt me too much.....yet. If he thinks I am important and interesting enough to chat with every month I guess I should suffer his visits. And maybe I am crazy after all. I will try and see things from his perspective a little more.

So I guess what I'm saying is things are going just as they're supposed to and it does me no good to kick against the pricks. I am in the pit I'm in for a reason and only need to work on myself right now. And maybe I'm not in a pit after all. I may just need to change my perspective on things. Yeah, that is a real mind-tripper there. Talk to ya later. Bye now.

Acknowledgements

              Sitting is the new smoking.-- Anonymous

A problem I have now is my family and the sky block communications from friends and keep me in the dark about many things. I don't watch TV and I only just recently started getting media on my phone. I have kind of been in my own isolated and somewhat depressed world for a long time now, but I really must say, I could have tried harder.  

Yeah, a while back all I wanted to do was eat and sleep away my problems. That was not the answer though and I am repenting of that now. My body got weak from oversleeping and not exercising enough and when I did go to the gym, I was passing out from WAN. So I slept some more.....

Ahh, but that's no excuse, everything is good now and I am getting in shape here at home. The WAN is still playing with me here but maybe I'll surrender. I mean seriously though, do I have to run? I will lift, do pushups, sit ups, play basketball, jump rope and anything else-- but run in place here at my home, come on. Yeah, I think I feel like the cowboy in this Back to the Future movie clip. (ha, ha, ha) Or maybe I am just singing this song a lot. Beast of Burden. (ha, ha, ha)

Anyways, maybe I should be a little more grateful that despite my sleeping through my problems somewhat instead of attacking them, I was still able to get through things all right. I must say, I was really, really depressed for a long, long time a while back. 

A girl I know shared a quote that I like a lot. She said, "If you are going through hell keep on going." I have thought about that quote a lot and all I can say is that consistently reading the scriptures during my depression helped me keep on going. For the longest time reading the scriptures was my sole way of updating myself- and it worked well. Reading the scriptures always gave me hope and the feeling that I could go through all the problems I was facing no matter how large, beyond my control, or seemingly intractable they were. The scriptures gave me the faith that I was an exception to the rule and not going to be a victim to circumstances. 

I can't fully explain how important the scriptures are to me, but I want people to know they can become a urim and thummin in your life. A urim and thummin was an instrument prepared by God to assist man in receiving revelation. 

Changing topics now, I have complained on here about my family but I want to refrain from doing that for the time being. I am very happy with my family now and don't want to do wickedly is what I'm saying. My family has bought me houses, cars, clothes and insurance and I just need to be a little more grateful. 

I think I need to thank and ac knowledge a lot more people too. I am realizing I became an alcoholic and drank a lot of wine during my depression and I must say, that was just wrong of me. 

Anyways, try and bear with me as I retrace my steps a little and figure things out going forward. I do feel much more optimistic now than I did years ago. I also feel like I am getting to the heart of my problems. I just want 'my love' to know I want to see her and be with her bad. As things get darker they are also going to get brighter and brighter until the perfect day. We can be taken and love will always find a way. Thanks for reading and God bless and guide you into all truth.    

Polygamy

 "The best revenge is massive success."  -- Frank Sinatra

There are some controversial things in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that I don't claim to understand completely. One such thing is polygamy. First of all, as I understand it, we don't practice polygamy anymore. That was in the past and according to counsel received from God to prophets in the past. I know that Joseph Smith and other early saints practiced polygamy and married wives for both "time and eternity" and "eternity." Joseph Smith said, "the same sociality that exists here will exist in heaven." He also taught that God is fair and that those who do not have an opportunity to marry in this life will have that opportunity in the next life if they are faithful.

One thing that seems clear to me now is that most guys aren't going to make it into heaven. Guys especially, have a problem with faith, and charity, living the commandments, ( i.e, the law of chastity), and just being decent human beings. It seems to me there are a lot more women than men living celestial law nowdays. 

Is it really fair though that guys get to marry many wives and women have to share? I don't know about that. Anyone ever thought that God is fair and all-powerful and can easily make good boy babies. Maybe there is a batch of perfect men in heaven and enough to go around for every girl there. I also don't think heaven mirrors the reality we have here and that that sociality quote I mentioned above is not too important. I think God is extremely, extremely fair and if a girl wants to have their own man, that will be a viable option for them. It is taught in the Book of Mormon that marriage to one woman is God's standard manner of union.  

Personally, I have a hard time keeping up with one woman let alone a dozen. If I had many wives I'm sure I would fail to spend equal time with them, neglect them somehow, or not respect their various differences and be partial to one wife over another at times. 

Also, what about the instance in the Bible where Christ was asked a question about a woman who had seven husbands. He was asked who does she belong to in the resurrection? Christ said, "Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven." Anyone know what that all means?

I feel like I have read the scriptures a lot in my life and pondered these things a bit, but it still hasn't dawned on me what they all mean. Maybe I'm missing out on something good, I don't know. I still think I am going to stick with the conservative monogamy ideals I have always had. All I know is that I gotta choose my love and love my choice. She's gotta be my soul mate and after marriage I gotta work hard, live right and make it an enduring eternal marriage regardless of whether our marriage is solemnized in a temple or not. I believe you can be married for eternity in a temple but that doesn't mean anything if you break your covenants or marry unworthily without the holy spirit of promise. 

My understanding may be too simple. I know I am as Brigham Young said, "a menace to society" (I consider that a compliment not an attack) and a fool in many regards. I just have always said I wasn't going to marry wrong and take one step forward and two steps back. That is just me though, and I understand why many women marry even when it isn't real love. They are just realists and not going to deprive themselves of some of the joys in life. I get that, it also makes sense. I know I am just an exception, not the norm in society. I am very stubborn once I get something in my head, be it wrong or right. 

So anyways that's my spiel about marriage. I don't know why I am writing about it right now, I guess it has been on my mind lately. I will try and resolve some of these questions I have in the future. Talk at ya later.  

UPDATE:  It has been about two years since I wrote this blog post.  I have had a big evolution in my thinking since this last post and think what I understand now is the right train of thought on marriage. Read my Sept. 2024 "Alabama" post to see what I now think about polygamy and marriage and things. Take care and thanks for reading. 

Wanderers

"To me, it's that incredible sense of belonging and peace within your own self and heart that really is joy."--  Goldie Hawn

There is a quote I read a long time ago that I really liked. The quote goes, "Not all those who wander are lost."(JRR Tolkien)  It is a nice saying and well-meaning and you might say I kind of made it a motto for a long time but I am beginning to wonder if I have taken that common wisdom too far. 

Thomas S. Monson in one of his last conference talks mentioned the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland who said to Alice, "If you don't know where you are going any road can take you there." Elder Uchtdorf jokingly talked about people who wander in circles this last general conference. I have found a few scriptures that talk about wandering--but there's one scripture I read in the Bible about wandering stars and blackness that I'm still trying to understand.

What I am trying to say now is I have never found a place in life where I perfectly belong, I have never felt perfectly at peace-- so I have been a wanderer all my life. If I have taken it too far call it wanderlust. For certain, I know I haven't taken the shortest routes in life to my goals. I haven't always done the appropriate or conventional thing either. I haven't always done that which would be of the most worth unto me and u in life. I haven't always read the best books or associated with the best people and I have sometimes gone about kind of randomly, although I am trying harder to be focused.

I think I've been like the children of Israel who wandered about in the wilderness for forty years trying to find the promised land. Forty-plus years is a long time not to get it right! 

All I can say now is that I think I'm learning and that I think it is still possible to teach an old dog new tricks. If I find the bramble rose I think I am looking for now all the grief and time alone will have been worth it. One thing I understand now is there is always going to be opposition to finding your life's love and the truth. It takes righteousness, purity, and great focus to find your love and make it happen. Some of the best things in life are hardest to obtain.  

The 1997 movie Good Will Hunting has a good moral to it. In the movie the central character Matt Damon, finds the perfect girl but almost loses her. His psychologist Robin Williams, counsels him to pursue the things that matter most in life. At the end of the movie you see Matt Damon put aside all his worries about money as well as his pride, anger, social fears and ambitions and drive out to California after the girl. 

I think that movie is the way love really is sometimes. You have to put aside everything that doesn't matter as much and pursue love with all your heart. 

I know in the past I was distracted from love and the things that mattered most in life. I took women for granted and probably because of that, I made some foolish educational decisions and things didn't materialize as I would have liked. Now that I'm older and single, I realize my mistakes. I have been left to endlessly ponder and retrace my steps in life. 

In the past I may have even tried to walk away from the truth, kind of like the prophet Jonah did in the Bible - but that is in the past and my conscience won't let me anymore. I can't live with broken dreams and a broken heart any longer. Not even death and the whole damned corrupt and pessimistic world is going to distract me from what matters most in life now. Like in the movie Good Will Hunting, I am going to choose love over everything else. I am excited to see where this new perspective will take me. Thanks for reading and I'll talk to you soon Lafawnda.

Kip

Today I just want to clarify what I said earlier about being vindicated. Don't nobody take that too seriously. I think I have mostly gotten what I deserve in life. Some things may seem harsh or unfair but I have my faults and/or it was wisdom in God- and you can't change that. 

What I meant generally about vindication is that I think the yeast is going to continue to rise and leaven the whole lump. I will be vindicated that way. But of course, it's all planned out, I have to be par, and there will be no financial surprises. (AAHHHH, please tell me, will I ever get ahead in life!) 

No, seriously, my friends really don't need to do or speak anything else; my financial circumstances are widely known and you have said enough. Just let things appreciate. Thank you. 

I have been guilty of being stewpid in the past and that got me nowhere. I am not going to let revenge consume me or follow after some vain ambition anymore. I spoke of Hitler and all I was saying about him is I don't think he is going to last too much longer. There may be an opportunity for wealth, and kingdoms in the future, but I am not really interested in that. 

You can just call me Kip from now on after the older brother of Napoleon in the movie Napoleon Dynamite. Yeah, like Kip I am going to "choose love" and devote my time and energy to finally meeting my "soul mate" Lafawnda. (ha, ha, ha)  You gotta read quotes from Kip in that movie, they are hilarious. Yep, I think I am all set to meet Lafawnda now, I got the chains and dew rag to boot. (ha, ha, ha ) I gotta watch that movie again. I'm almost 100% positive (ha, ha, ha). I'm studying to be a cage fighter. (ha, ha, ha)