Wanderers

"To me, it's that incredible sense of belonging and peace within your own self and heart that really is joy."--  Goldie Hawn

There is a quote I read a long time ago that I really liked. The quote goes, "Not all those who wander are lost."(JRR Tolkien)  It is a nice saying and well-meaning and you might say I kind of made it a motto for a long time but I am beginning to wonder if I have taken that common wisdom too far. 

Thomas S. Monson in one of his last conference talks mentioned the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland who said to Alice, "If you don't know where you are going any road can take you there." Elder Uchtdorf jokingly talked about people who wander in circles this last general conference. I have found a few scriptures that talk about wandering--but there's one scripture I read in the Bible about wandering stars and blackness that I'm still trying to understand.

What I am trying to say now is I have never found a place in life where I perfectly belong, I have never felt perfectly at peace-- so I have been a wanderer all my life. If I have taken it too far call it wanderlust. For certain, I know I haven't taken the shortest routes in life to my goals. I haven't always done the appropriate or conventional thing either. I haven't always done that which would be of the most worth unto me and u in life. I haven't always read the best books or associated with the best people and I have sometimes gone about kind of randomly, although I am trying harder to be focused.

I think I've been like the children of Israel who wandered about in the wilderness for forty years trying to find the promised land. Forty-plus years is a long time not to get it right! 

All I can say now is that I think I'm learning and that I think it is still possible to teach an old dog new tricks. If I find the bramble rose I think I am looking for now all the grief and time alone will have been worth it. One thing I understand now is there is always going to be opposition to finding your life's love and the truth. It takes righteousness, purity, and great focus to find your love and make it happen. Some of the best things in life are hardest to obtain.  

The 1997 movie Good Will Hunting has a good moral to it. In the movie the central character Matt Damon, finds the perfect girl but almost loses her. His psychologist Robin Williams, counsels him to pursue the things that matter most in life. At the end of the movie you see Matt Damon put aside all his worries about money as well as his pride, anger, social fears and ambitions and drive out to California after the girl. 

I think that movie is the way love really is sometimes. You have to put aside everything that doesn't matter as much and pursue love with all your heart. 

I know in the past I was distracted from love and the things that mattered most in life. I took women for granted and probably because of that, I made some foolish educational decisions and things didn't materialize as I would have liked. Now that I'm older and single, I realize my mistakes. I have been left to endlessly ponder and retrace my steps in life. 

In the past I may have even tried to walk away from the truth, kind of like the prophet Jonah did in the Bible - but that is in the past and my conscience won't let me anymore. I can't live with broken dreams and a broken heart any longer. Not even death and the whole damned corrupt and pessimistic world is going to distract me from what matters most in life now. Like in the movie Good Will Hunting, I am going to choose love over everything else. I am excited to see where this new perspective will take me. Thanks for reading and I'll talk to you soon Lafawnda.