Mental Institutions

"Two fish in a tank. One says " How do you drive this thing?"                   

People ask me, "So you were in the mental hospital for a year and a half, what was that like?"  Well, I really don't know how to answer that question. If I complain people will think I deserved it, if I keep quiet about it they will think that I was beaten into submission. I don't know how to explain the experience except to throw out some jokes, quotes, movies and music from people who capture it better in words than myself. As you may guess, I have a general aversion for the mental health system so don't be alarmed, but hey, what do I know, I'm officially crazy now. 

A patient with a mental disorder thinking that he is George Washington meets with his psychologist. During his visit he says, " Today I will cross the Delaware and destroy the redcoats." After the meeting the psychologist gets on the telephone and says, " Hello this is Benedict Arnold, I got the plans."

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.   -Stewart Francis

Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm schitzophrenic and so am I. -Oscar Levant

Pavlov's dog to his ladydog friend, "See that!  Every time I salivate Pavlov smiles and scribbles something in his book."

Did you hear about the guy who had his whole left side cut off? He's all right now. 

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you're not surrounded by assholes.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. -Redd Foxx

And the light shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not. -Doctrine and Covenants

One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your closest friends, if they seem okay then your the one.

Of all things that I've lost, I miss my mind the most.- Mark Twain

All great and beautiful work has come of first gazing without shrinking into the darkness. - John Ruskin

Germaphobes...... there's a pill for that. 

Toad the Wet Sprocket "Crazy Life" song about the Pine Ridge Indian Massacre and the incarceration of Leonard Peltier 

Dwight Yoakham "1000 Miles from Nowhere" song

Marcy's Playground "Sex and Candy" song

"Master of Disaster" song by John Hiatt

Dallas Buyers Club movie and Alice in Wonderland movie ( I haven't watched them yet but they came out when I was in the hospital. So if you want to possibly have a movie made about you go to the mental hospital, Ugh.) Oh, "Dallas in Wonderland" was a nickname I got growing up along with the nickname "Salad"- that's Dallas spelled backward. 

Red Hot Chili Peppers "Otherside" song

Cracker "Low" song

The 2013, "Pompeii" song by Bastille

The Matrix movies

Men in Black movie

The Pursuit of Happiness movie

Rambo First Blood movie

What About Bob movie

Braveheart movie

Good Will Hunting movie

Groundhog Day movie

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous- everyone hasn't met me yet. -Rodney Dangerfield

Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.

A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?"
"I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?"
"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."