Apologies

"In life it is not finding happiness that is hard, it is letting go of unhappiness that is hard to do." -- My 6th grade teacher, Mr. Smith 

I have to send out an apology for an earlier post about the Bridge Team and Asians. I don't know what got into me the day I was writing that; I guess I was feeling critical and contentious but I shouldn't have. As far as Asians go, the truth is, they are my friends. I am only being critical of myself when I criticize them. My first real job was with Asians, my first girlfriend in high school was an Asian and I have met many great Asian people. 

When I was living here with my brother Derek he would always intentionally leave a pot of putrefying rice in the rice cooker. I would smell it and have to clean it out all the time. I guess the perspective he was trying to give me with the putrefying rice wore on me some. Like him, I have seen some of the rotten rice around in Bakersfield and parts of Los Angeles and other places. But unlike my brother, I think those were isolated instances and that that was definitely not the norm. 

In fact, most Asians are good and they are a very numerous body of people on earth right now. Americans are somewhat degenerate and I would probably have few friends if it wasn't for Asians. Yeah, like me, they could be a little leaner and meaner, but overall, I think many Asians have their priorities right and are the salt of the earth. 

As I said, my first girlfriend was an Asian. Her family was in the Asian mafia and she would always have me drop her off at her friend's house so her Dad wouldn't see that she was dating a white guy and put a hit on me. (ha, ha, ha) She really wasn't all that bad for being in the mafia. I think that says something about Asians. Who knows, in the future maybe all Asians will join the mafia. Then we will have a force to be reckoned with. (ha, ha, ha)

I was also critical of the Bridge Team. Get this, God just told me not to be critical of them, so I guess they are alright for now, really. I don't like having to meet with a psychiatrist every month but that hasn't hurt me too much.....yet. If he thinks I am important and interesting enough to chat with every month I guess I should suffer his visits. And maybe I am crazy after all. I will try and see things from his perspective a little more.

So I guess what I'm saying is things are going just as they're supposed to and it does me no good to kick against the pricks. I am in the pit I'm in for a reason and only need to work on myself right now. And maybe I'm not in a pit after all. I may just need to change my perspective on things. Yeah, that is a real mind-tripper there. Talk to ya later. Bye now.

Acknowledgements

              Sitting is the new smoking.-- Anonymous

A problem I have now is my family and the sky block communications from friends and keep me in the dark about many things. I don't watch TV and I only just recently started getting media on my phone. I have kind of been in my own isolated and somewhat depressed world for a long time now, but I really must say, I could have tried harder.  

Yeah, a while back all I wanted to do was eat and sleep away my problems. That was not the answer though and I am repenting of that now. My body got weak from oversleeping and not exercising enough and when I did go to the gym, I was passing out from WAN. So I slept some more.....

Ahh, but that's no excuse, everything is good now and I am getting in shape here at home. The WAN is still playing with me here but what can you do? Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?  I'd rather be harassed than be coddled. I'd rather be twice as strong from my trials than to be mediocre and weak. Yeah, a while back I was kind of feeling like the card playing cowboy in this Back to the Future movie clip (ha, ha, ha) but have now changed my mind on that. Running is important and I am just going to have to bet the day will not do me wrong if I run. Oh, but Sly will though......i.e. check out this song by Mike Snow Animal. Sometimes you gotta sing this song to the day too. Beast of Burden

So anyways, I guess I've just been thinking lately that I should be a little more grateful that despite my sleeping through my problems somewhat instead of attacking them, I was still able to get through things all right. I must say, I was really, really depressed for a long, long time a while back. 

A girl I know shared a quote that I like a lot. She said, "If you are going through hell keep on going." I have thought about that quote a lot and all I can say is that consistently reading the scriptures during my depression helped me keep on going. For the longest time reading the scriptures was my sole way of updating myself- and it worked well. Reading the scriptures always gave me hope and the feeling that I could go through all the problems I was facing no matter how large, beyond my control, or seemingly intractable they seemed. The scriptures gave me the faith that I was an exception to the rule and not going to be a victim to circumstances. 

I can't fully explain how important the scriptures are to me, but I want people to know they can become a urim and thummin in your life. A urim and thummin was an instrument prepared by God to assist man in receiving revelation. 

Changing topics now, I have complained on here about my family but I want to refrain from doing that for the time being. I am very happy with my family now and don't want to do wickedly is what I'm saying. 

I think I need to thank and ac knowledge a lot more people too. I am realizing I became an alcoholic and drank a lot of wine during my depression and I must say, that was just wrong of me. 

Anyways, try and bear with me as I retrace my steps a little and figure things out going forward. I do feel much more optimistic now than I did years ago. I also feel like I am getting to the heart of my problems. I just want 'my love' to know I want to see her and be with her bad. As things get darker they are also going to get brighter and brighter until the perfect day. We can be taken and love will always find a way. Thanks for reading and God bless and guide you into all truth.    

Kip

Today I just want to clarify what I said earlier about being vindicated. Don't nobody take that too seriously. I think I have mostly gotten what I deserve in life. Some things may seem harsh or unfair but I have my faults and/or it was wisdom in God- and you can't change that. 

What I meant generally about vindication is that I think the yeast is going to continue to rise and leaven the whole lump. I will be vindicated that way. But of course, it's all planned out, I have to be par, and there will be no financial surprises. (AAHHHH, please tell me, will I ever get ahead in life!) 

No, seriously, my friends really don't need to do or speak anything else; my financial circumstances are widely known and you have said enough. Just let things appreciate. Thank you. 

I have been guilty of being stewpid in the past and that got me nowhere. I am not going to let revenge consume me or follow after some vain ambition anymore. I spoke of Hitler and all I was saying about him is I don't think he is going to last too much longer. There may be an opportunity for wealth, and kingdoms in the future, but I am not really interested in that. 

You can just call me Kip from now on after the older brother of Napoleon in the movie Napoleon Dynamite. Yeah, like Kip I am going to "choose love" and devote my time and energy to finally meeting my "soul mate" Lafawnda. (ha, ha, ha)  You gotta read quotes from Kip in that movie, they are hilarious. Yep, I think I am all set to meet Lafawnda now, I got the chains and dew rag to boot. (ha, ha, ha ) I gotta watch that movie again. I'm almost 100% positive (ha, ha, ha). I'm studying to be a cage fighter. (ha, ha, ha) 

Everlasting

Hello, I kind of retract what I said the other day concerning my fears about my name being like Kurt Cobain's. The reason is, I don't want to be too cautious now-- the field is white. So I am still Dallas Jolley. 

Also, my car is running super and that diagnosis comes from a really, really, expert mechanic I talked to. I am driving an 85' Camry now and it is very clean and well-maintained. I did get sideswiped a while back by a sick, crazy driver and she wasn't paying for damages, but I'm fixing that now. She is paying. 

This mechanic I talked to is very, very old and knows his stuff. He says I have an open road and am clear to drive just about anywhere.....Hmmm. 

I said last post that I may be vindicated. That is not a hope but a promise, and I already have been a lot- but I am thinking about the core person or problem now i.e, our modern day Hitler. (You all know who I'm talking about so I won't say). Yeah, I don't think he is going to last five more years is my prediction. We can do it! Remember we helped Sophie NorCAL. She is free now partly because of us.

I said I wanted to be fair with Laura Madsen / Meek. I interpreted my dream about her and yeah, she was bizarre and trying to make me homeless, but who wasn't back then ( yeah, that's what I want to know). I don't know how I was so wrong about her and why I had some awkward guilt trip that I was putting her out. She makes my shape-shifting family look perfect. 

So anyway, I still don't look that well. I guess take that into account. All I can say is I am grateful for those people who have a more refined sense of discernment. They have been looking out for me and have helped me so much.  

Well, I don't work and pretty much all that God has told me to do as of recent is to reflect, recalibrate, keep the commandments, support and exhort the church and work on going live. I'm spoiled. I feel so optimistic right now I can hardly express it. 

I recently did another round in my thinking and came back to where I was ten years ago. I found that that has been so true all this time and has never left me. I am so blessed. I don't want to be more specific now, but I hope the person I am thinking of knows I am talking about them. Sorry, actually I meant "talking to them." Ahhh, words don't express what I am trying to say now. Everlasting is probably the best word that describes what I feel though. 

All Safe and Secure?

A while back I wrote a post about young trees, a beetle infestation and rotten primary teachers. I accidentally deleted the post but am happy to say that that is not a problem anymore as far as I can see. I have to say, you all are very quick and effective people. The trees are in good hands with you and I think all is safe and secure now. I will keep my eyes on the lookout for anything else I see.

What I saw with R. Modesto a while back and a couple other girls really shocked me though. I don't know how some of you all manage so well with such opposition. I want to go live and join the military after seeing what I saw but for some reason, I can't figure out where to go. I think it has been hard with the COVID 19 isolation going on. And don't get me wrong, I would drop everything here and go live if that is what I'm supposed to do, but the thought also keeps coming to me that U R DIE, not the other way around.

Another thing that prevents me from going live is that I am a little worried about making that plunge into the unknown and becoming completely dependent on the day--but I am learning to trust more now. Arranging things secretly is also a problem. Lastly, the better things get, I am feeling like there is no place to hide anymore and that I should just try and go live in plain sight here at my place and that that will open up for me in the future. I think I have earned a license to fight and organize myself according to the laws of men now, so that is not a problem. Heaven actually kind of forbids me from doing anything too drastic..... 

So anyway, I am not exactly sure what I am going to do in the future. Life is bearable for me now thanks in large part to you all. Now I want to give back. I am just taking it one day at a time, preparing to go live if I see where to go, and trying to stay in shape so I am prepared to do that type of work if needs be. I have the size and body type to do that sort of work --so I am thinking it is a waste that I'm not doing some of that now. But that is just me, I want to do it myself and dabble as much as I can in as much as I can, even when things in the world are calling for more specialization.

Things are quickly becoming safer and safer here in the states with technology advancing like it is. I mostly go outside the United States now to countries like Russia and Vietnam to C people in ware, but I wonder if I am missing something here. Some people like R. Modesto have so much against them things may seem very slow in coming. I almost couldn't believe what I was looking at when I looked into R. Modesto's situation. I swear, she is like Christ.  

I'm going to pray hard about it, and if I am doing more good here where I'm at then I will continue. Whatever accomplishes the most good and is best for the oppressed and the kids is what I will do I guess. 

I find sometimes that it is not always what I want to do, or have thought to do, that is actually what I'm supposed to do. For instance, I wanted to move from the state a long time ago because I was worried about my monthly mental health shot being bad and my family living too close. I was just sure I was supposed to leave the state but got alternate revelation to stay here for a few years and that God had an important work for me to accomplish. I'm not sure if I have figured out just what that important work is yet but I am at least resolved on living in Utah for the next little while. 

Where It's At

So you want to know where it's at, huh?  I bet you already know. If you haven't seen this happening in the world today you are blind as a bat. Meth heads are where it's at and meth really kills people. 

I have people in my family with these types of addictions and they are a handful. They don't sleep, they are possessed by the drug. Heroin is their next drug of choice and it is possessing them too. While people who do drugs range from good to bad, there are some druggies that are sick, sick, sick. Beware of these people is what I'm saying.  

Back in my day, we had drug education programs in school teaching against recreational drug use. I don't think education about these things is as good as it used to be. The drugs have gotten worse too. My younger siblings and parents don't seem to have listened to the drug warnings much, they are all paying the price now.

If I had kids I would strongly, strongly, strongly advise them to avoid drugs like the plague. They will break you financially, literally waste your mind and body away, and destroy your peace. People don't realize what peace they have till it's gone. Addiction is a terrible thing to cope with. 

Things are so perilous today people need their minds functioning and the spirit with them 100% of the time, not just when they're not high. There is peace in following the commandments of God and heck, in just following common sense, if the commandments don't appeal to you. What we have today in society is a drug epidemic of huge proportions. Know that the commandments really are the safest thing to follow nowadays, as your best judgment can fail you and societal norms can't be trusted and fluctuate wildly. 

I have never touched drugs but all my family has. It has brought about terrible costs in my family too. My sisters are so addicted to meth, prescription medicine, and other drugs that they can't abstain from using them while pregnant.  Both Erin and Lindsey have had deformed babies because of drug use. One child may need open heart surgery and can't eat very much without having her lips turn blue from lack of circulation to the head. Another child of Lindsey's isn't growing properly and has brain damage and other problems.  Even the kids in my family that seem healthy may have latent health and developmental problems from their parent's drug use.  

This is all so alarming to me and the result of pride, foolishness, and extreme selfishness. I have warned and warned my family of the consequences of drug use and not living the commandments. They responded by ridiculing me, nearly killing me, and getting me shut-up in a mental hospital for a year and a half. Now they are getting a dose of their own medicine. It feels good to see my predictions verified, but it is tragically unfair for the kids involved. I don't think my sibling's kids deserve to have defective bodies the rest of their lives.

The Price is Right

"Chaos and creativity go together. If you lose one percent of your chaos you lose your creativity."  --  Woody Harrelson quoting his taxi driver

I've been watching the Price is Right game show lately and a little voice in my head has been telling me what to buy and what is a good deal. I think 'not' lands are a good deal now and my friends need to buy more of those lands that seem helpful around the places where they live. Don't worry about me I am set. If anything, I will be better off if the people I know take better care of themselves and invest in their own personal safety instead of worrying about me all the time. 

I am optimistic that in time we can rise above the threats and eventually own all our neighborhoods and places where we live. We can do it if we work together collectively rather than individually. But I am just singing to the choir, most of you already know this. Thanks for being who you are. Bye for now.